ONE LINERS ARE ALWAYS FUN

Guys Here are some nice one liners !! Enjoy :P





>1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

>2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

>3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

>4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

>5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

>6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

>7. Born free, taxed to death.

>8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

>9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

>10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

>11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

>12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.


>13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

>14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

>15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

>16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

>17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

>18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

>19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

>20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

>21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

>22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!

>23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

>24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

>25. Someday is not a day of the week.

>26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

>27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

>28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.

>29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again,neither does Milk.

>30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

And my favourite ...


>31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.

woohoo!!

GAMBLE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON

The TAXATION DEPARTMENT decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the Taxation Office. The Taxation Office Auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his solicitor. The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Taxation Department finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.. 'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me fifty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' - this was another story/joke sent via email by one of my friends. I was meaning to post it for a very long time so hence. :) xoxo

MARILYN MONROE IS DEAD

 

        

        

     
       

  

           

And its a very said thing. i know she has been dead for long but *sigh* she captures my attention every time i see her on the web :) She was a cute thing.

Her flirtatious "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" for JFK, with whom she was allegedly having an affair, the iconic image of her white halter dress flowing, showing her underwear, was something that no one will ever forget. 
She was stereotyped as the blonde, dumb, sexy actor. 
Her death, which is still a mystery, is supposedly a planned murder. And the person involved is again supposedly,JFK's brother Bobby, with whom again she was rumoured to be having an affair. 
*tsk tsk* 
what a shame.

xoxo

MARVEL AT THE UNIQUE LUNACY OF A LANGUAGE

Hello. 
Blogger decided to delete this post of mine too!
But yes i am doing it again coz i dont want you to miss this.
So, i got an email from this old friend which was titled- YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY?!


Well, i thought, why yes!
If you think that too, you are in for a twister sweethearts. :D
Here it goes.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

Some more one liners!


The bandage was wound around the wound.          
                                                                       
The farm was used to produce produce.            

                                                           
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
                               
                                        
We must polish the Polish furniture.             
                                                                       
He could lead if he would get the lead out.      
                                                                       
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.                         
                                                           
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.     
                                          
                                                           I did not object to the object.                             
                                                                       


English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. 

Aren't we now, my dear English language???!! In spite of all said and done,  i still love you.


xoxo

ROMANTIC LOVE IS AN ILLUSION

Or so i have heard. Well, i don't know. 
I am angry and yes, i am disappointed. 
Reason, well, i don't want to disclose it. I'd like to keep it to myself until i find a way to express it in rightful expression and words. 
My mind is jumbling, spinning, words-words, flying all around my head. Feels like i'm seeing stars in this broad daylight. In actuality,  they are just words. Must be because of my impending exams. lol


Okay not making this post more weird (!) here are some very true things that i believe in. They are funny, inspiring, silly, but it helps to make you feel better any day. Especially after a break-up.  
Nar, i am not going through that in case you are wondering. :P

• The hottest love has the coldest end.
• If this is goodbye, don't come back
• I dont miss him, I miss who I thought he was
• You mean more to me than life itself - but I'm suicidal. ~ Anonymous
• Romantic love is an illusion. Most of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair
• Love is hard work; and hard work sometimes hurts!. 
• God is closest to those with broken hearts.
• This just isn't for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people - I'm single. ~ Anonymous
• Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. 
• If someone you love hurts you,  cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. 
• I want someone who can buy me a new car. ~ Anonymous
• The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.
• Men are a luxury, not a necessity. ~ Cher
• I don’t want to keep being the girl that keeps crying about the same things.
• Just give me time and I’ll get over you.
• A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it.
• Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience. ~ Victoria Holt

• One way to break up any kind of tension is good deep breathing. ~ Byron Nelson
• We just grew apart, I don't need you any more.~ Anonymous
• You're too young for me. I mean, too *old*. We're the same age? Well, that doesn't work for me, either.~ Anonymous
• You have to forgive to forget, and forget, to feel again.
• Breaking up is not a stupid thing. Instead, it makes you a better person and realize your mistakes

• Love is ironic. Only when you hurt someone, they realise they truly love you.
• I cried today...
  Not because I missed you or even wanted you
  But because I finally realized
  I'm going to be alright without you

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil

A HAIRCUT STORY CAN REMIND YOU TO CHANGE DIAPERS

MY DAD SENT ME THIS LITTLE JOKE BY EMAIL TODAY. THOUGH JOKE IT IS, IT STILL SHOWS YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT- NATURE OF THE MASSES. 

Here it is.

The Haircut One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

DANKE DAD <3

LOOKS LIKE A FIGHTER. BUT ARE YOU A SURVIVOR?

So finally Pajama Diaries has a Facebook Page! i hope people like it!
Spread the love is the motto!
And Cheshire looking cat in oversize PJ's is the mascot! woo hoooo!! 

Support needed ! 
Like  Pajama Diaries on Facebook! 




And here's me saying goodnight :D