ONE LINERS ARE ALWAYS FUN

Guys Here are some nice one liners !! Enjoy :P





>1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

>2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

>3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

>4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

>5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

>6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

>7. Born free, taxed to death.

>8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

>9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

>10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

>11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

>12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.


>13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

>14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

>15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

>16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

>17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

>18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

>19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

>20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

>21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

>22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!

>23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

>24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

>25. Someday is not a day of the week.

>26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

>27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

>28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.

>29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again,neither does Milk.

>30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

And my favourite ...


>31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.

woohoo!!

GAMBLE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON

The TAXATION DEPARTMENT decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the Taxation Office. The Taxation Office Auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his solicitor. The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Taxation Department finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.. 'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me fifty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' - this was another story/joke sent via email by one of my friends. I was meaning to post it for a very long time so hence. :) xoxo

MARILYN MONROE IS DEAD

 

        

        

     
       

  

           

And its a very said thing. i know she has been dead for long but *sigh* she captures my attention every time i see her on the web :) She was a cute thing.

Her flirtatious "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" for JFK, with whom she was allegedly having an affair, the iconic image of her white halter dress flowing, showing her underwear, was something that no one will ever forget. 
She was stereotyped as the blonde, dumb, sexy actor. 
Her death, which is still a mystery, is supposedly a planned murder. And the person involved is again supposedly,JFK's brother Bobby, with whom again she was rumoured to be having an affair. 
*tsk tsk* 
what a shame.

xoxo